Powerless-ness. I know what powerless-ness is. Day after day doing something you don't want to do because you feel like you have to. In my case, it was usually that I would become physically ill if I didn't.
When I heard people talk of powerlessness in AA, I knew what they were talking about. One of my favorite AA women used to talk about going to the store to get milk and bread for her 3 starving kids and buying a six pack of beer instead. Although my drug of choice was different, I too had experienced what she was talking about.
The second part of Step One, the unmanagability, well, stealing pills from a little old lady and getting addicted is slightly unmanagable. I had no question that I was powerless and that my life was unmanagable. Just read my previous blogs, it's all there. Unmanagability at it's best!
I quickly, with a sponsor, moved onto Step 2. I came to believe. I had been praying for months for help. I saw angels regularly and they were the ones who guided me to AA. I have always believed in a power greater than myself. I have also always had a great deal of faith in this power greater than me. I knew "God" could restore my sanity. God was capable of anything. I had no problem with this concept and I still don't. As you can imagine, I quickly moved onto Step 3.
Turn it over. Let go and let God. Tell me, why can't any person use this kind of thinking reguardless of their circumstances? I had turned my life over to something other than my crazy thinking as soon as I had made that call for help to my best friend. The angels, God, whatever you want to call it. I want to say that I don't believe that the 3rd Step is conditional. When you turn your life over, that's it. Have faith and trust in your "Higher Power" no matter what!
I had heard it described as the archway to freedom, the first three steps. Step 3 is the keystone. I still believe this today, how do you define freedom?
The rest of the steps, when I return....
3 comments:
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
I think there was a time when I was powerless over alcohol and drugs, and even some other things in my life. But I find now that I'm much more attracted to a concept of empowerment. I also believe in a Higher Power but not one that will help me do what I should be able to do alone. Just my thoughts. Love reading your blog.
Angela, I am right with you about a concept of empowerment. This is my vision right now, too. I had my first drink Christmas Day so, it hasn't been very long for my on this new path. I am excited yet scared. I was faced with many challenges this weekend, mostly to not beat myself up and to stay confident. I also really enjoy reading your blog, I stop by almost everyday. Thanks:)
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