Just a Little History...Pt. 4

Being pregnant changed everything. It was a godsend and definitely an answer to prayers. Although, a lot of the people we knew in Seattle thought that I was crazy. Some were even mad at us for even considerng that we would keep the baby because of our lifestyle. Luckily we had a few friends that were actual friends, who were willing to help us. I knew that I wanted to move back to Virginia where my family and childhood friends were. I called my mom, who I never talked to because of the way I had been living, and she said she would help us. She paid for our plane tickets and let us stay with her until we got on our feet. My life changed so rapidly and in such an amazing way. I had so much gratitude, and this is before AA exposure. When we arrived back in VA, it turned out that 3 of my other close childhood girlfriends were pregnant as well. Things were so good. I had family, friends and support. We lived with my mother for a few months and then we found a place to live on a llama farm where we could live rent free in exchange for room and board. We moved into this perfect little cabin, surrounded by llamas and waited for the birth of our son. Things were awesome. My husband had a full time job and worked on the farm. While I had been staying with my mother, she insisted that I have an evaluation done because of my drug history. Although I was completely clean during my pregnancy and felt fine, I went for her. After 2 hours of questions and discussion with this woman about my drug history and my feelings now, she told me that I was fine, that she did not feel that I needed drug treatment of any kind and that I might possibly benefit from a relapse prevention group and gave me the number. I never called.

I just want to say that I believe in messages coming in from Spirit to us all the time. I have always felt that our relationships with animals are extremely important and very symbolic. Llamas represent sure-footedness and I found this very comforting when we moved to the farm.

My labor started on a Tuesday night at around 9 pm. On Wednesday night around 10pm my doctor said the dreaded word "C-section," I had been laboring drug free until around 8 pm on Wednesday, when they said they were going to give me Petocin to speed up my labor. I knew that the Petocin would make my labor extremely uncomfortable and it was too late for an epidural so I let them give my Demerol. My doctor knew about my drug history and after the C-section was performed they gave me a very strong drug that is in the Motrin family instead of Morphine. Things seemed like they were going well but, after my IV fell through (let me tell you , it was hell getting an IV in me, I had NO veins) they started giving me Percocet. I also had a Percocet prescription that I was sent home with. I wish I had known what the Percocet was going to cause in me, but I thought I could handle it. Little did I know that it was going to start a chain reaction and I was going to find myself addicted to opiates once more.....