After intuitively titling this blog post, I realize it's the pushing that may be the problem. Or the issue, or whatever! I am always analyzing and critiquing myself, what I do, what I stand for and what my future may hold when considering what is dictated by one's actions. I do believe in the idea that we create our own world/reality. This is not a new concept, the fathers of modern psychology speak of projection in our lives and relationships, which, to me, is part of manifestation and creation of one's life. I feel destined to reach fruition or change or growth/growing up, reguardless of how tenaciously a part of myself may hold onto things or people. Or concepts, for that matter. I can feel the churning of my unconscious, bringing me back to the forefront of what needs acceptance, no matter what I may try to do to cling to what is comfortable. Or should I say, what appears comfortable because it is familiar. I have changed a lot of "things" around in the last 2 years and guess what? The issues, or items that need my attention, are still the same! Whether I stand on the right side or the left side, the "things" I am apparently avoiding, are still there waiting for me, when I am ready, of course. Patient little bastards...
I am making up hours at school. I am so close, but, feeling worn down. I can't wait to be done with school. I feel that there is a huge amount of time that will be freed, that I need to apply to my son and marriage. Myself, too. I have been slightly discouraged lately. I have been feeling better the last few days. I often think of the analogy of life being a river, you or I are floating down, on our backs, and if we fight it, or struggle it is soooo much harder. If we relax and go with the flow of things, like you would have to in order to make it down this proverbial river, life is so much easier and enjoyable.
